Are you a parent?

If so, you may be thinking the following…

What's this site all about?
The Stonerlemmings.com game and website was created to:

• Promote open and honest communication about drug use among 16-19 year olds in the South Hams and Teinbridge areas.
• Encourage young people to access the support and advice that's available locally on drug-related issues.
• Empower young people in minimising the risks and harmful effects of drug and alcohol use and taking responsibility for their wellbeing.

What on earth are you playing at? This is outrageous!
The Kikass methodology sometimes causes a few raised eyebrows.

Instead of spoon-feeding young people with ready-made solutions informed by a government or social agenda, we work with young people as partners to come up with solutions that work for them. So we've been talking to young people in Devon about drugs and have developed this site with them, and what they say they want is the whole truth - well-rounded factual information which allows them to make their own choices. So that's what we've tried to do.

Controversial though it may seem, we've set out to tell all sides of the story about drugs. Yes, they can be dangerous and get you into a whole heap of trouble. But let's be honest. They're also pleasurable, some are safer than others, and there are steps one can take to minimise the risks. So we've talked about that too.

In no way do we mean to encourage anybody to use drugs. Like you, we'd prefer young people to be happy and healthy. But the fact is, more and more young people use drugs now, despite the best efforts of well-meaning but basically ineffective 'Just Say No' campaigns. It's time to try a different approach.

Why have you got a section for parents?
Because you're usually a major source of support and information for young people. The messages you give your kids about drugs can shape their lives. We also appreciate that talking to teenagers about drugs can be a nightmare and that therefore you might need some support or advice yourself! It's an emotive and myth-ridden subject, after all. Misinformation abounds, and the suspicion or evidence that their child is using drugs can leave even the most rational parent feeling fearful, bewildered, angry and wondering where they went wrong. All families are different, and you know your kids better than anyone else. This section contains advice which other parents say they've found useful in communicating with their kids about a very difficult subject. We hope you find it useful too.

This doesn't concern me because my child isn't into drugs...
About half of all 15 and 16-year-olds have tried an illegal drug. Even in safe, sunny South Devon. 'Not-In-My-Backyard' syndrome is therefore a consoling fiction. Even if your kids don't use drugs themselves, the chances are they probably have peers who do. The stereotypical teenage drug user comes from a deprived/difficult background, has numerous problems and is failing at school. In reality young people from comfortable homes, with excellent school records, sunny dispositions and idyllic childhoods, also experiment with drugs. So it pays to be informed about the issue anyway - even if you're sure it'll never be a problem in your family.

How do I talk to my kids about drugs?
Good question. Talking to teenagers about drugs can be very challenging - for all parties. Kids can think they're invincible and know it all, and that you're an ancient fossil and not worth talking to. They may genuinely not think they're doing anything wrong, or feel that talking to you about drugs is just an invitation for punishment and hassle - hence the apparent hostility, secretiveness and complacency that can greet any attempt to open up a discussion about drugs.

• There are ways to open up the potential for honest communication, however. And there are ways to close it down. These include asking 'closed' questions such as "You'd never be stupid enough to try drugs, would you darling?" - the sensible answer to which is obviously "no" - threatening e.g "If I ever find out you're taking drugs I'll ground you and cut off your pocket money" and accusing: "You're stoned, aren't you?". Instead, ask open, leading questions about what they're learning about drugs and alcohol at school, for example, or talk about your own use of tobacco or alcohol (and how you tried 'pot' but never actually inhaled when you were at uni).

Other tips include:

• Emphasise that your main concern is for their health, safety and well-being - not catching them out or punishing them - and make sure it is!
  
• Listen to their views and feelings as well as talking
  
• Be as clear as possible about your stance on drugs - think about it beforehand. Is it ok for them to get trollied on alcohol at parties but not smoke a spliff at the bottom of the garden? If so, why…etc

Trying to discourage drugs use by bombarding your son or daughter with statistics about how terrible and dangerous drugs are may work when they're really young, but the chances are your older teenager already knows a lot more about drugs than you might think. They'll probably have sussed by now that not all drugs are as bad as each other, that they can be fun and pleasurable and even used in balanced way. Tell them otherwise and they may not believe a word you say and conclude that you've no idea what you're on about. The more you can give them the straight facts and the space to make their own decisions, the more likely they are to trust you and talk to you.

Help! I think my son is involved in drugs and I'm frightened…
It's natural to imagine the worst, but try not to panic. Hysterical media coverage has spread the idea that there's only one kind of drug use, and that's the kind that ruins your life. But the idea that 'one hit and they'll be hooked forever/die/end up in jail' is an insidious myth. "Teenage drug use - mostly ok" does not make for a good headline, after all. The truth is that if your teenager is indulging in the odd spliff one week they will NOT end up sprinkling crack on their Frosties the next, or end up hooked, excluded from school, in prison or dead. Most drug use among young people is an experimental passing phase which leads to few problems.

That's not to say you should ignore it, however. An unfortunate minority of kids DO develop problems with drugs, including addiction, debt, criminal records and health problems. The more you can encourage them to be open with you about what they're up to, the quicker you can help and intervene if they're using drugs and get into difficulties. Tempting as it can be to turn a blind eye and leave drugs awareness education to schools and the police, there's no substitute for parental influence. Giving them the URL for this site might not be a bad place to start - but then we would say that…

I don't know anything about drugs
You probably know more than you think you do. A drug is any substance which affects the way you think and feel - like caffeine, nicotine and alcohol, for example. Check out the links on this website, contact the local agencies, request copies of the drugs and alcohol education material at your child's school or college, and above all, talk to other parents.

The better informed you are with the straightforward facts, the more you'll be able to pass on to your kids and the better position you'll be in to help if drug use should ever become a problem.

How can I tell for sure if my child is using?
Unless you force a urine test on them (and please don't), you probably can't. Signs and symptoms of drug use can include mood swings, tiredness, weight loss, bad skin, loss of appetite, scruffiness, spending loads and doing badly at school. But then, these are also symptoms of just being a teenager (or a Kikass team member, to be honest!). The best way to suss your child out is to encourage open communication. Countless parents have found that invading their child's privacy/raiding their bedrooms is not the best way to go about this. If your kid does develop a problem with drugs they need your support more than ever to get through things.

For more help, support and advice on how to talk to little Johnnie about his glue habit without losing your rag, visit Addaction - a charity set up to help drug users, their parents and families. Addaction provides an online 'Parents' Guide to Drugs' which gives excellent advice and information.

Remember you're not alone - click through to Adfam for support, information, pointers to local resources and a noticeboard where you can chat to other parents about drug and family-related issues.

Dare has an excellent Parent's survival guide to drugs plus info, games and quizzes suitable for younger teenagers, while Ne Choices's interactive family choice game will help spark off healthy family discussions - even if only because it's so weird.

For free confidential drugs information and advice 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, talk to Frank by calling 0800 77 66 00 or their website www.talktofrank.com.

The National Drugs Helpline is open to anyone affected by drugs who is seeking confidential support and impartial advice - call 0800 77 66 00. Ensure your child is also aware of this number.

We would welcome any comments, questions or feedback - please feel free to contact us here